Last weekend I attended my second-ever football match: Chester vs Maidstone. I was lucky enough to be a guest of the Chairman of Chester, but being born and bred and having lived in Kent for most of my life I couldn't help but quietly hope that Maidstone would do well!

The Chester crowd were in a good mood at the start of the match. Their team had been playing well and won their last game 3-0 away, so expectations were high.

The game began. I won’t lie to you: my depth of knowledge regarding football is wafer-thin and I will never be able to convincingly explain the offside rule! Even so, I was keen to enjoy the game, whoever turned out to be the winner. The two teams’ supporters set out their stalls — the crowd from Maidstone were heavily outnumbered, but singing their hearts out, and the home crowd had a huge drum they used to help with their chanting. 

Maidstone scored the first goal — cue wild Kentish celebrations — but Chester quickly equalised, and the first half finished 1-1. In the second half, though, Maidstone scored twice and Chester just couldn’t come back. And my goodness, you wouldn’t believe how the mood of the match changed… No more friendly rivalry or smiles; this was war! Bad behaviour on the pitch was followed by Maidstone players getting booed by the Chester fans. It was at this point that I started to ask myself whether I really liked football!

Rinus Michels ("The General"), coach of the Dutch team that narrowly lost to Germany in the 1974 final, once said "Football is war". And it’s true. Many have written about how football can inspire strong, primitive and even tribal emotions, evoking the days when warriors put on face paint and jumped up and down in war dances. The speed of football and the collective aggression shown by each team actually encourages this.

Me? I found it a bit exhausting. I’ve never been competitive or aggressive in that way. I like to be a part of something with like-minded people. I think that’s why I was so drawn to the philosophy of yoga. Being active and taking part with a group of people who share similar values and are supportive of each other is my over-riding motivation.

I love the Olympics and the way they bring us together with a common aim. Its motto, “Citius, Altius, Fortius” (”Faster, Higher, Stronger”) is pretty inspiring, don’t you think? As is its notion that international sporting competitions should promote “warm fraternity". The pictures of Alistair and Jonathan Brownlee finishing the Olympic Triathlon and embracing at the finish line sum up what the Olympics are all about for me. It’s a real shock to read about those times when athletes taking part don’t embrace the spirit of the Games, like the story the other day of the Egyptian judoka sent home after refusing to shake the hand of the Israeli athlete who beat him.

The definition of yoga means 'union' or connection'. In Sanskrit, the word 'yoga' is used to signify any form of connection. The experience of connection is a state of yoga, a joyful and blissful, fulfilling experience. Awareness is the secret of yoga.

Most of us want to belong to or connect with something. The question is, are you part of a tribe or part of a group?!

I was lucky enough to go to a yoga class in London this week with the wonderful Isabell Britsch. A big highlight for me was when she used the Sanskrit word Maitri (pronounced my-tree), which translates to “friendliness”, as the theme for the class.

I thought it would be interesting to look further into the word Maitri. It appears in Yoga Sutra 1:33 and here’s how it translates into English:

By cultivating attitudes of friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and disregard toward the wicked, the mind-stuff retains its undisturbed calmness.

You could describe “Sutras” as aphorisms or short pieces of advice on how we should live our lives. There are 196 of them and they were compiled about 2,400 years ago by Sage Patanjali. In Sutra 1:33 Patanjali says that there are only four kinds of “locks” in the world, all of which have their own particular key:

Sukha — happy people
Dukha — unhappy people
Punya — the virtuous
Apunya — the wicked

If we are honest, at any given moment we can fit ourselves into one of these four categories.

Patanjali gives us four keys to open these locks. His advice is that we keep these keys on our person so that we can deal with any situation at any given time.

The four keys are

Maitri — friendliness
Karuna — compassion
Mudita — delight
Upekshanam — disregard

Patanjali tells us that there is a way of approaching all people, no matter what behaviours and attitudes they may be showing.

When you see a happy person, use Maitri, the friendliness key. Share their happiness or good fortune and try not to be jealous or resentful. If you are jealous you will not change the way the happy person feels, but you will disturb your own serenity.

When you see an unhappy person, use Karuna, the compassion key. When someone is upset, see if you can help or comfort them. Let them know you will be there for them when they need you. Sometimes you might feel pleased when someone else (someone you don’t like, perhaps?) is suffering — maybe even laugh — but remember how it felt when it happened to you and have compassion for them. By doing that, you will retain the peace of your own mind.

"Through compassion you find that all human beings are just like you." The Dalai Lama

"When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That's the message he is sending." Thich Nhat Hanh

When you see a virtuous person, feel Mudita, the delight key. You could try and be more like them and use some of their attitudes in your own life. Observing and admiring others is a virtue of the heart.

When you see a wicked (non-virtuous) person, use Upekshanam, the disregard key. There are always going to be others whose actions oppose our values; we need to develop a calmness and feeling of composure towards them. 

I saw a post on Facebook recently praising a judge who reacted to a racist's expletives with those of her own. She was branded a "hero" and a role model for children. How is this showing calmness and composure? How can reacting in this way be a good example for children? My father said to me over and over again when I was growing up that swearing back at other people meant that you didn't have the vocabulary to find another way of expressing yourself and that you were sinking to their level. My father is in his 70’s now and I have never heard him swear. I’ve rarely even heard him raise his voice! I completely agree that the racist was a wicked person; the way that yoga teaches us to react is with disregard, however, not reacting to and adding to the wickedness.

In daily life we see people around who are happier than we are and people who are less happy than we are. Some may be doing praiseworthy things and others causing problems. If we can be pleased for those who are happy, compassionate towards those who are unhappy, joyful with those doing good and remain undisturbed by the errors of others, our minds will be at peace.

(shudder)

Are you a hoarder, or do you find it easy to let go? When I think of a hoarder I think of someone who collects stuff; someone who says, "Don't throw that away, it might come in useful one day..."

I am the opposite with stuff. I don't like clutter or to hold onto things “just in case”. If an item of clothing has been in my wardrobe for two years and not been worn, it has to go! I do love a clear out. Believe it or not, I even have a skip sitting on my drive as I write, ready for me to fill with the stuff from the depths of my garage!

I like to hold onto the odd keepsake — something that holds deep associations, for example — but not rolls of old wallpaper, old floor tiles or out-of-date magazines.

Which camp do you fall into? Are you a hoarder or a slinger?

I sometimes find myself considering how this need to keep clutter at bay and to let go of things that no longer seem relevant can be translated into my own practice and my attitude of life in general.

I often start my classes quietly and ask people to sit or lie down, to draw their attention inwards and "let go". Specifically, to let go of the stress and tension that nearly always exists in people's lives — anything, from letting go of a difficult journey to class or letting go (for a few minutes, at least) of worries and lists that are buzzing around in their minds.

I have found, from my own experience and by talking to others, that we are very good at holding on to difficult memories or feelings of negativity or stresses and strains, but far less good at recalling the positive things that have happened to us.

In the news recently it was suggested that a pill has been developed by scientists that could erase painful memories. It could be used to help sufferers of post traumatic stress disorder and those plagued by hurtful recurrent memories.

But what do we have memories for? To learn from? To help us cope with situations good and bad? Is the way our personality develops linked to our memories?

One of the most thumbed books I have, and one I would thoroughly recommend reading, is called Buddah's Brain — The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom, by Rick Hanson, Ph.D.

In the book, Dr. Hanson talks about the causes of suffering. He writes that we have ensured our survival by learning from discomfort and sorrow:

"The unfortunate side effect of three strategies that evolved to help animals, including us, to survive have worked well, but they also lead to suffering.

In order to survive an animal tries to:

1. Separate what is actually connected, in order to create a boundary between itself and the world.
2. Stabilise what keeps changing, in order to maintain its internal systems within tight ranges.
3. Hold onto fleeting pleasures and escape inevitable pains, in order to approach opportunities and avoid threats.

It is only us humans that worry about the future, regret the past and blame ourselves for the present."

So, what if we could just let go of the worries about the future, accept the past and live for the present moment?

Maybe letting go completely is not the answer, but neither is it good to fill our mental skip to the brim with the clutter and the stuff we don't need. We should try to have the space in our minds and bodies to plant new seeds and let new and positive memories and experiences flourish.

Note: Just to let you know, I have already booked onto a retreat for next year! It is going to be in Rome next time! If you might be interested in coming along, you can find details on the Yoga with Isabell website.

A short one today. Three minutes of happy wisdom.

Tell me what you think of this -- I think it's amazing!